I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
