No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
