ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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