Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize