so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
