Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
