if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
