I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
