We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
