It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
