I think i peed on brittanys purse
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
