I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
