i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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