I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize