I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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