whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
