Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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