Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
