Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize