so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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