i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
