half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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