I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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