Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
