All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
