Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
