I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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