She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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