this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
