You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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