Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you will always have a special place in my vag
The police scanner is talking about you again....
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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