these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
