Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
