if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
be right there i have to get my cape
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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