I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
