He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So much rum. So many feels.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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