Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
