I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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