"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
