A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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