I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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