I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
