can u get pink eye on your cock?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize