tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize