I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she peed on how many people?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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