theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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