I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
