my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize