I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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