just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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