chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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