We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
