Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
