So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
