walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
