I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I came so hard my ears popped.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
