I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
