Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
