I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
