Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
