Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
