it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
