i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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