wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
