Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
