fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
