Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
