I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
