I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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