I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
