You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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