yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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