my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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