Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Everyone says I win the strip club
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
