So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
