allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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