I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
