6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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