if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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